Nicole Lee August 13th, 2008
Nothing much seems important to me right now. I wanted to do my LATU video on Monday, but then…I didn’t. I just couldn’t find anything to say, my answers were shallow and superficial and I had so little desire to my face on the screen that I couldn’t even force myself to do it. It’s actually really frustrating to want to do something so badly, but…not be able to.
A lot of bad news reared its ugly head in the last three or four days. Things that no one wants to have to know about or try to help carry their friends through. I feel like I’ve been a bad friend lately. I work a lot, and I want to be there for the people that I care about, but it seems when they might need me most I’m just not there. I’m hoping that when the slow season hits at the Resort I’ll be able to have late nights out and go and do young stupid things with the people that I want to be with. I hope, I hope, I hope.
I registered for two classes today. My folks are paying for both, thankfully, or I never would have been able to do it. I’m taking a Business Law class and then Photography I. Dad is sending me his old film camera, which I am really, really excited for. It should be a lot of fun to mess around with. I can’t wait to learn more about the hobby I’ve already invested so much time and money into, you know?
I guess I’m searching for some new motivation. I want to lose weight, get my hair longer again, go to school and feel like I’ve accomplished something, if that makes any sense. I mean, I’m successful enough to get by right now, but I want to be able to buy new camera lenses and go to Thailand, and the way I’m living right now is just not suitable for that sort of thing. So I’ll work hard to make the changes I want to make and be the person that I want to be, and that’s all I can ask from myself. And I feel alright with that, I think. Yeah, I feel alright.
Nicole Lee May 16th, 2008
I sent in a request for more information on the Culinary Institute of America today. I don’t know what I’m thinking. It’s over 20k a year, and it’s in New York. I know I can’t afford the school or to live there, but I want to see what it’s all about. Maybe there is a smaller, less expensive school that could get me pretty good training, but I’m not sure. This is one of those things where you have to dish out the dough to get the return.
I thought about asking my mom if she could get a hold of my aunt so I could go out there and visit, but I know I can’t afford that either. Which really, really sucks.
I’m also starting a new food project, but I’m not going to show you all just yet. You’ll have to keep an eye out.
Oh! I have a question for my readers. Have any of you come across Food and Wine Magazine? I was reading some of their online articles and they’re pretty good. I’m thinking I might buy the $20 subscription to their print copy so I can see how they set things up, how the photography is and all of that, but I’m not sure it’s worth it. Comments?
Nicole Lee May 9th, 2008
I bought a set of ankle weights today. So when I’m walking I can build a little more muscle. I also ran a lot more, and much faster than I normally do. I felt driven, for some reason. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the surface level depression starting to sink in a little more, or maybe I’m just exhausted. I can’t really be sure at this point.
I had a revelation today. One I’m not willing to share, but I want it to be known that I recognized this thing, and am now going to deal with as best as I am able. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past, and though I am not one for regret, I am feeling a keen sense of remorse.
I guess it’s time for me to grow up. Time to shoulder the consequences of my own actions, and start taking that responsibility to heart. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get to this point.
Nicole Lee February 10th, 2008
I find myself in something of a slump these days. I don’t know if it’s because of the weather, my birth control, the unnamed or what, but here I am. I think that I am going to spend a little money and get a Rilakkuma wallet. My bills are getting paid off, and I’m on my way to getting Ben paid off.
I get my lip pierced Tuesday. I’m pretty excited about that.
I don’t know. I just don’t have anything to talk about right now, I guess. I’ll be back later.
